My idol

I have found a new idol in life. And no, he's not an incredible actor, or a brilliant scientist, or an inspired leader. He probably can't sing worth a darn, he's not particularly attractive, and I highly doubt he ever even went to college. He has never published a life-changing book, he never invented anything that revolutionized the world, and he was born, raised, and probably died in the blooming town of Anthon, Iowa (population 649) so few people have probably ever even heard of him. So why on earth is he my idol, you may ask?


I will tell you. His name was Charles Osborne and he had the hiccups for 68 years. They began one fine day as he was picking up a 350 lb hog to weigh it for butchering, and they just never stopped. These weren't occasional hiccups either - he hiccuped on average 40 times a minute, though they gradually slowed to only 20 times a minute near the end. It is estimated that he hiccuped over 430 million times throughout his life. Then another fine day when he was 96 years old, the hiccups just miraculously stopped, and he died a year later.


So why is he my idol? Because he was without a doubt the most patient, long-suffering person on the planet. If I had the hiccups for 68 years I would shoot myself in the foot, probably after the first week. Yet Charles Osborne somehow tolerated them for nearly 70 years, and even managed to live an almost normal life, marrying twice and having eight kids. Hmmmm . . . so maybe I should change my idol to his wife who apparently put up with his constant hiccuping for 68 years . . .