I stood anxiously scanning the hundreds of faces around me, searching for one particular and very familiar one. Somewhere within that crowded hangar was the man I love.
I first fell in love with him almost two and a half years ago. He won my heart so completely that it scared me how deeply I cared for him, and I reacted by pushing away. When we broke up I somehow managed to convince myself that it simply wasn't meant to be, and over the course of the next year then I tried to convince myself that I had moved on. It wasn't until a year later that I dared crack open again the heart I'd sealed up so carefully to see what was inside and the depth and truthfulness of that love came rushing out to hit me in the face.
I knew that a difficult decision now lay before me, and that in choosing one of those paths I would have to lay bare my heart and risk having it crushed completely. But I also knew that I would never forgive myself if I didn't take the risk and make that choice. So I took a deep breath and took the leap of faith, emboldened as only those who are in love can be. But things did not exactly go as planned and a few short weeks later I found myself saying goodbye once again, unsure of where we stood and if there was even any point in trying to continue. He was headed to Afghanistan and it would be another year before I would even see him again. The path that had once been so clear and straight now seemed completely overgrown and blocked by fallen trees. But again, I remembered the promise that I had made myself when I first made the decision to begin this journey, and I knew that I could not give up until I had truly given it everything. So again, I took a deep breath and continued the journey, fighting through the undergrowth and climbing over fallen log after fallen log. For eight months I persevered, because every time that I would falter, discouraged by my lack of progress and on the verge of giving up, something inside me would call me back and remind me of what I was fighting for.
Finally, in the ninth month since we'd said our goodbyes something changed between us. I felt the change as soon as it happened and my heart leapt for joy inside. I was only too eager to believe it, yet I was cautious, afraid that it might not be real. Yet every day the little voice that whispered caution grew quieter and quieter. Each day as we talked I could feel myself falling more in love with him all over again, until finally it reached a point where I knew that I was in very real danger of falling hopelessly and completely for him. The last month, and especially the last two weeks, until his homecoming crawled by. I knew that I was pretty deeply in love with him, yet I couldn't be certain how he felt or how things would be once he actually returned.
It had all come down to this moment. I stood only ten feet from where the rest of his family stood, waiting to find him, yet we were separated by walls of people between us. Anxiously I scanned the face of every soldier I saw, trying to find the one that had been ingrained into my memory. Suddenly he appeared, only a few feet in front of me, and my heart skipped a beat. For one moment I stood frozen, unable to believe that it was really him, and then our eyes met and I saw the light of recognition in his eyes. I came unfrozen in an instant and threw my arms around him. I could have stayed in his embrace forever, it felt so unbelievably good to have his arms wrapped solidly around me.
The rest of the day passed in a dream. At times it seemed surreal, to have him actually there and to be walking and talking with him. But at once it was also the most natural and comfortable thing in the world to be together with him, laughing and teasing. Every time we touched, however briefly, my heart raced inside me.
I know it's only the first day that he's been back, and so this might seem premature of me to say. But I can't help myself - this has been a long time coming. I love him, plainly and truly. Being together with him feels undeniably right. It has been an incredibly long and at times painful journey, but we have now reached the end of this path and the beginning of a brand new and exciting one. I can't wait for what the future holds. But for now, I'm content just knowing that tomorrow I'll get to see him again.
I first fell in love with him almost two and a half years ago. He won my heart so completely that it scared me how deeply I cared for him, and I reacted by pushing away. When we broke up I somehow managed to convince myself that it simply wasn't meant to be, and over the course of the next year then I tried to convince myself that I had moved on. It wasn't until a year later that I dared crack open again the heart I'd sealed up so carefully to see what was inside and the depth and truthfulness of that love came rushing out to hit me in the face.
I knew that a difficult decision now lay before me, and that in choosing one of those paths I would have to lay bare my heart and risk having it crushed completely. But I also knew that I would never forgive myself if I didn't take the risk and make that choice. So I took a deep breath and took the leap of faith, emboldened as only those who are in love can be. But things did not exactly go as planned and a few short weeks later I found myself saying goodbye once again, unsure of where we stood and if there was even any point in trying to continue. He was headed to Afghanistan and it would be another year before I would even see him again. The path that had once been so clear and straight now seemed completely overgrown and blocked by fallen trees. But again, I remembered the promise that I had made myself when I first made the decision to begin this journey, and I knew that I could not give up until I had truly given it everything. So again, I took a deep breath and continued the journey, fighting through the undergrowth and climbing over fallen log after fallen log. For eight months I persevered, because every time that I would falter, discouraged by my lack of progress and on the verge of giving up, something inside me would call me back and remind me of what I was fighting for.
Finally, in the ninth month since we'd said our goodbyes something changed between us. I felt the change as soon as it happened and my heart leapt for joy inside. I was only too eager to believe it, yet I was cautious, afraid that it might not be real. Yet every day the little voice that whispered caution grew quieter and quieter. Each day as we talked I could feel myself falling more in love with him all over again, until finally it reached a point where I knew that I was in very real danger of falling hopelessly and completely for him. The last month, and especially the last two weeks, until his homecoming crawled by. I knew that I was pretty deeply in love with him, yet I couldn't be certain how he felt or how things would be once he actually returned.
It had all come down to this moment. I stood only ten feet from where the rest of his family stood, waiting to find him, yet we were separated by walls of people between us. Anxiously I scanned the face of every soldier I saw, trying to find the one that had been ingrained into my memory. Suddenly he appeared, only a few feet in front of me, and my heart skipped a beat. For one moment I stood frozen, unable to believe that it was really him, and then our eyes met and I saw the light of recognition in his eyes. I came unfrozen in an instant and threw my arms around him. I could have stayed in his embrace forever, it felt so unbelievably good to have his arms wrapped solidly around me.
The rest of the day passed in a dream. At times it seemed surreal, to have him actually there and to be walking and talking with him. But at once it was also the most natural and comfortable thing in the world to be together with him, laughing and teasing. Every time we touched, however briefly, my heart raced inside me.
Oh Rob, I loved this! I'm so glad you and Marc are back together... for good :)
ReplyDeleteYou are too cute. As is your little love story. :) Miss you guy!
ReplyDelete